He rolls it smooth between the palms of his hands. With just the tip of one finger, this kid snaps the long ridge of wax off the candle. But dripped down the side of the candle, there's a thin, smooth ridge of wax that just might work. The kid looks around for something that might do the job. That helpful hint about how Arabs beat off. This is after he's heard from his Navy brother. He was lighting a candle and flipping through some old porno magazines, getting ready to beat off. At home in his bedroom, he was flopped on the bed. On the phone, the kid says how-the day before-he was just a little stoned. On the phone, he says how right now his folks could just kill his big brother in the Navy. He says how they all have to share the same television. He's got to share a room with old people getting their guts worked on. That night, he calls to ask if I'll pick up his homework for the next couple weeks. Helpful jack-off tips.Īfter this, the little brother, one day he doesn't show up at school. It's this big brother who travels around the world, sending back French phrases. They jack off with the rod inside, and it makes getting off so much better. This Navy brother says how Arab guys get their dick hard and then insert this metal rod inside the whole length of their boner. Each fancy tool is just a thin rod of pol¬ished brass or silver, maybe as long as your hand, with a big tip at one end, ei¬ther a big metal ball or the kind of fan¬cy carved handle you'd see on a sword. This brother was stationed in some camel country where the public market sells what could be fancy letter openers. The regular kind of sad teen suicide.Īnother friend of mine, a kid from school, his older brother in the Navy said how guys in the Middle East jack off different than we do here. Their folks would find them, a towel twisted around their kid's neck, the towel tied to the rod in their bedroom closet, the kid dead. Looking back, kid-psych experts, school counselors now say that most of the last peak in teen suicide was kids trying to choke while they beat off. Some deeds are too low to even get a name. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do. The trouble is, even the French don't have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. You come up with the perfect thing you should've said. But the moment you leave the party.Īs you start down the stairway, then-magic. So under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. Say you're at a par¬ty and someone insults you. It means that moment when you find the answer, but it's too late. People in France have a phrase: "staircase wit." In French: esprit de l'escalier. Every Easter egg hunt with his kids, his parents' grandkids, that ghost carrot is hovering over all of them. Even now that he's grown up, that invisible carrot hangs over every Christmas dinner, every birthday party. This friend of mine, he waits months under a black cloud, waiting for his folks to confront him. No way could she not find the carrot, carefully shaped with a paring knife from her kitchen, still shiny with lube and stinky. All his dirty clothes, while he ate dinner, his mom grabbed them all to do laundry. He works the carrot out and stashes the slippery, filthy thing in the dirty clothes under his bed.Īfter dinner, he goes to find the carrot, and it's gone. Then, this kid, his mom yells it's supper time. He slathers it with grease and grinds his ass down on it. Like he's going home to stick a carrot cake up his butt.Īt home, he whittles the carrot into a blunt tool. So my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot, all the ingredients for a carrot cake. Everyone seeing the big evening he has planned. All the shoppers waiting in line, watching. Then he pictures how it's going to look at the supermarket checkout counter, the lonely carrot and petroleum jelly rolling down the conveyer belt toward the grocery store cashier. He goes out to buy a carrot and some petroleum jelly. He's always jonesing for a better way to get his rocks off. At that age, this friend's a little sex maniac. Stimulate the prostate gland hard enough, and the rumor is you can have explosive hands-free orgasms. So listen as fast as you can.Ī friend of mine, when he was 13 years old he heard about "pegging." This is when a guy gets banged up the butt with a dildo. This story should last about as long as you can hold your breath, and then just a little bit longer.
0 kommentar(er)
